Who’s counting, anyway?
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Don’t ask, don’t tell: That’s my philosophy when it comes to the number of people I’ve slept with. It’s not necessary to know, and knowing can do more harm than good.
According to the Southern Nevada Health Department, more than one sexual partner a year is too many. They must not understand how hard it is to develop an exclusive relationship and how easy it is to get carried away in the heat of the moment.
But those who share my philosophy still shouldn’t take a license to disgrace sex as a meaningful act. A reader wrote to me confessing that he has had over 122 sexual partners. He lost his virginity at the age of 19 and is now 24 years old, but he said he accumulated most of his partners within the last two years. After his mother passed away and he went through a bad break-up, he started using sex as a stress reliever, similar to how people abuse drugs or alcohol to suppress depression. It became like any other part of his day: Go to the post office, stop at the bank, have sex with some girl, eat lunch, take a nap, have sex with another girl. Personally, I was disgusted by how he disrespected sex and women. I couldn’t believe he actually kept count; he traveled abroad and acquired a fetish for sleeping with women from different countries. He said he doesn’t have any preferences and he “will have sex with any willing girl.” He gloated when he said he has had sex with a girl from every racial group. He treated sex with women like crossing off a to-do list.
The notches on your bedpost shouldn’t be your focus. Your focus should be respecting yourself and the people you choose to “share” yourself with. I’m very selective about who I choose to give the best part of myself to because not many deserve it and very few will actually appreciate it and be respectful.
If I could set the rules of sex, more than one woman in one day would be against the rules, because that’s dirty and disrespectful to yourself and the people you’re sleeping with — threesomes and orgies don’t count, but that’s not regular daily sex anyway.
More rules: Don’t abuse one-night-stands. Be a grown-up and sustain regular intercourse with only one person for a substantial time period. When having regular sex with someone, it’s common courtesy to only sleep with that person. This can definitely ward off the risk of catching STDs, but overall it’s just important to have standards and be selective about the people you have sex with. We look at sex as “just sex,” but for something so simple, it sure does complicate things.
Stop counting the number of people you’ve slept with. It’s not something to pride yourself on, or to feel bad about yourself for. The best you can do is enjoy it and be safe about it. What happened in the past shouldn’t be regretted or dwelled upon because it cannot be changed. All you can do is learn from it.
Do you disagree with Allyson? Do you think your “number” really matters? Allyson wants to hear about it. Contact her at email@example.com.