Sources: Rice heading to USF, says “April Fools, suckas!” on way out
In an astonishing turn of events, Dave Rice will not be coaching the Runnin’ Rebels next season.
Multiple sources have told The Rebel Yell that Rice will, in fact, be taking the South Florida head coaching position that he interviewed for on Friday in Tampa, Fla.
It was announced on Saturday that Rice and the athletic department had come to an agreement on a two-year extension that will be presented to the NSHE Board of Regents on April 25.
However, in the last 24 hours, sources say that Rice can’t stand the desert heat anymore, and that he would like to relocate to a beach as soon as possible so that he can work on his tan.
On his way out of the Thomas & Mack Center offices, he was seen screaming at the front door, “April Fools, suckas!”
“It’s gotten to the point that his sunburn can’t take it anymore,” one source told The Rebel Yell. “You can’t blame him for wanting to go to a beach. Perfect weather year round, no extreme heat. He’s got it made, and he’ll be rich.”
Rice will also reportedly make approximately $15.5 million per year over the next eight years at South Florida, rather than the $6 million over five years — a much more lucrative offer than he mentioned when he flew back to Las Vegas to meet with athletic director Tina Kunzer-Murphy and interim president Don Snyder.
This new deal would make Rice the richest coach in the history of collegiate sports. Sources are still trying to figure out how South Florida’s athletic department came up with that much money, but reports are that they robbed the National Bank in Florida.
“We are very excited about bringing in Dave as the next head coach at South Florida,” said South Florida athletic director Mark Harlan.
“I’m not even sure how we got all this money, but we’re more than willing to give it all to Dave because we’re desperate after the Steve Masiello fiasco.”
Masiello was in prime position to become the next head coach for the Bulls on March 26, but the former Marshall head coach lied on his resume about receiving a degree from Kentucky.
Sources within the South Florida department say they’ve reviewed Rice’s resume and have determined it is “squeaky clean.”
In another development, Rice isn’t the only one heading to South Florida. The three recruits that Rice snagged to UNLV — Rashad Vaughn, Dwayne Morgan and Goodluck Okonoboh — will join Rice in South Florida, giving the Bulls their best recruiting class of all time.
According to sources, this was the plan all along. Rice would agree to an extension, decide that he was going to take a job with better scenery and bring the three recruits with him to create a one-year dynasty together.
A source within the Bulls’ department also mentioned that there’s a “possible chance” that Khem Birch and Roscoe Smith could join them.
UNLV’s frontcourt tandem both have a year remaining of eligibility and want to see if they can win a championship in South Beach.
“It was a remarkable plan,” the source said. “It was almost like he had everything down to a T. Not even John Calipari could do something like this. He’s financially stable for the rest of his and his family’s lives.”
The source also continued that when it becomes available again, Rice will play the Powerball and is projected to be a 2-1 favorite at Las Vegas sportsbooks.
As for the next head coach at UNLV, that’s up in the air for the time being. The candidates that have been thrown around are VCU’s Shaka Smart, former UCLA coach Ben Howland and current New Mexico head coach Craig Neal.
When asked of the possibility of Neal becoming the next head coach at UNLV, a representative at New Mexico’s athletic department laughed hysterically, thus putting her in a coma. Her condition has not been revealed at this time.
The plan for the athletic department is for UNLV to rob every bank in the city so that it’ll have enough money to pay for someone like Smart, who will reportedly take a $20-million-per-year deal to coach at UNLV.
“If they’re willing to break the bank, Shaka will coach there,” a source said. “And then he’ll gamble it all away and be broke.”
Rice did not return any of The Rebel Yell’s 35 missed calls to comment on this matter.